Technology

Anthony Blinken Donates $2 Billion for a Shot on “Ukraine’s Got Talent”

Anthony Blinken Donates $2 Billion for a Shot on “Ukraine’s Got Talent”

Kyiv, Ukraine – In a move that has left both international diplomats and talent show enthusiasts scratching their heads, U.S. Secretary of State Anthony Blinken has announced a whopping $2 billion donation package to Ukraine. The catch? It’s not for military aid, humanitarian relief, or even infrastructure development. No, this substantial sum was all to…

Joe Biden, Easter Bunny, Secret Service, Press, Image provided by Twitter

Easter Bunny Put in Charge of Keeping National Secrets, Well, Secret

Washington D.C. – It has been learned that the Easter Bunny has been put in charge of helping to keep National Secrets, well, secret. As soon as the Easter Bunny finished the rounds this morning leaving eggs in the homes, front yards, back yards, and parks where children frequent – around the globe, she (we…

Apple FINALLY releases emoji for Overfed Middle-Aged American Man

CUPERTINO, CA – In the spirit of equality and fairness, Apple has finally answered the call from a group of men who felt unaddressed by the company when it came to sharing an emoji that they could personally identify with. After much delay, Apple, Inc. has finally released the long-awaited Overfed Middle-Aged American man. While…

Justice Kavanaugh Disappoints the Nation’s Conservatives Today

WASHINGTON D.C. – Justice Brett Kavanaugh disappointed the nation’s conservatives this morning when she came out on record stating that she now and has always identified as a black woman. Having made this statement, she is considered by most to be the first black woman Supreme Court Justice.   For the record, a picture of…

New Meta "Friend Mode"

Facebook parent, Meta, announces “Friend Mode” and Everyone Will Love It!

Menlo Park, CA – Meta, Facebook’s parent company, today announced its new program called “Friend Mode”. When activated, Friend Mode will provide Meta with a level of creative autonomy and freedom over its user’s content. Mr. Zuckerberg said, “We’re proud of this new feature which we see as a service to society. When users activate…

Gavin Newsom

Governor Gavin Newsom Arrested For Stealing Futures of California Citizens

Sacramento, CA – Governor Gavin Newsom was arrested earlier Saturday evening on 39,538,223 of theft. He was charged with stealing the futures of California citizens. He was later released due to the fact that California residents no longer value their futures at an amount greater than that which would warrant a trial and conviction. This…