CUPERTINO, CA – In the spirit of equality and fairness, Apple has finally answered the call from a group of men who felt unaddressed by the company when it came to sharing an emoji that they could personally identify with. After much delay, Apple, Inc. has finally released the long-awaited Overfed Middle-Aged American man.
While this emoji was highly anticipated to be released last Thanksgiving, due to the then Covid predicament, Apple executives felt it would not have been shared with proper fanfare. So they waited, knowing that people stuff themselves nearly as much on the Easter holiday as they do on Thanksgiving.
Norm, a potbellied man from Idaho cheered with tears in his eyes due to his feelings of pure joy and excitement. “I can now FINALLY share my personal emoji. I’m hoping that they continue to listen to our feedback though.”
Norm continued, “I’ve written to request an update that doesn’t make me look so pregnant. It’s just weird. Everyone knows that men can’t have babies and while my gut does sometimes make me look a little pregnant, the curve on the emoji needs to be a little softer. Maybe they can also change that silly shirt or sweater out with a flannel, and give me a more manly haircut. Even still, I’m fine with what they’ve given us because it’s better than what we had. Nobody wants to look like a blond or brown-haired Tim Cook when that’s not who they identify as.”
As Norm said, by addressing this issue, Apple has ended the years of frustration, sadness, and unimaginable pain felt by the overfed middle-aged American man. No longer will this previously ignored group have to hide in the shadows of those little fit men they were portraying themselves to be.
Overfed middle-aged American men of all colors can now once again put down that 12-pack and large pepperoni with pride! They are no longer the out as the outcast.
